Do you ever feel like it’s just never enough? So much bad news, yet so many people to reach with His good news. It can be overwhelming, exhausting. Even an evangelist’s heart needs a revival.
This is my story, a six-month journey of the revival of my evangelist’s heart.
Just a few days into our blissful honeymoon, I began to stress about all the new norms ahead. Before marriage, my fiancé lived in another state. When we left the wedding reception on the west coast, I not only changed my last name, but I changed my location.
I would be flying back from our honeymoon, moving from my hometown in sunny California to tornado alley Oklahoma. Massive changes—leaving my family and ministry team behind. The future was exciting, yet also filled with a lot of new norms and unknowns.
During our Maui honeymoon in the waterfalls and waves, I began to feel the weight of the unknown. At that time, the Lord began to whisper to me about my next steps “just spend time with Me.” I thought, “wait, what Lord? But I have so much to figure out!”
Unpacking boxes now in Oklahoma came with a myriad of new norms—I found myself stressing out quickly over simple things like trying to figure out how to use a new kitchen appliance or where to find the nearest post office. The unknowns escalated, including dealing with some significant financial challenges, as well as health concerns for my mom, who underwent several brain surgeries during that time.
I was caught between the most beautiful time of my life, newly married, and between the most challenging time of my life. All the while, working with our ministry team digitally, now in another state. I was burning out, with little to give.
Months went by; God kept whispering, “just be with Me.” He wanted more than my daily devotional time. Suddenly, everything changed.
Providentially, two things happened that would change the trajectory of my next 6-months, and really, the rest of my life.
I had a dream, so vivid, so profound. In the dream, I was unlawfully detained for 6-months. It was very upsetting until I realized this was my opportunity to have uninterrupted Bible study and prayer. Instantly everything around me in the dream felt light, peaceful, and hopeful. Then suddenly, I awoke.
Within 24 hours of that vivid dream, I was sent a separate email from our prayer partners. The email contained a prophetic word. In short, the word was for me to “take 6-months for cloister living” just to be with God. Amazing!
These two occurrences—the dream and the word—were no coincidence. God was permitting me to “just be with Him.” That still small voice for months, I now heard loud and clear.
I wish I could say I obeyed fully right away, but I didn’t. I canceled some things, but not all. I kept thinking, “I can’t take 6-months off. What will happen to the ministry? Think of all the people I will have missed reaching. Not to mention our donors—what will they think?”
Frankly, I was still miserable. I had only partially obeyed. Finally, about halfway through the 6-months, I delegated all of my “ministry work time” to dedicate myself to “just being with Jesus.”
The Lord convicted my heart to even say “no” to other good things outside of the church, like more Bible studies, more prayer groups, more Christian books and podcasts, social media, and TV shows.
I could get so busy doing things around Jesus, that I missed that precious one-on-one intimate time with Jesus Himself. God had called me to “just be with Him;” in His Word, in prayer, in journaling, and praise. And, the days flew by!
Looking back, I wish I would have started sooner. I wish I would have listened to that still small voice during our honeymoon. But, it took a vivid, and might I say, “frightening,” dream and prophetic word months later to get me to obey.
As a young zealous millennial evangelist, I had to discipline myself to be still and to trust God’s permission to pull back. Like a catapult, God may want us to go farther, but He’s got to pull us back first.
The day the 6-months ended, there was an undeniable shift in what the Lord was pouring into my mind and heart. It was time to go again. He was filling me with new creativity, new goals, and new expectations. I could hardly write it all down fast enough!
Still a newlywed, our marriage is sweet and sweeter each new day, and now the ministry is farther reaching than ever before.
My story is not a formula for success, but rather an encouragement for faith. Be listening. While this may be the time for you to go, the Lord may be whispering to you, “just be with Me.”
Just because you are not creating, or speaking, or traveling all the time, does not mean that you are delinquent with your time. Certainly, there is a time and a season for everything. When it never seems to be enough, remember this – when you give Jesus your time, you will never run out of it, because He’s the Author of it.
Are you weary? Jesus said, “come to Me.” Even an evangelist’s heart needs a revival, too.
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